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You're Wasting Your Time
Feb. 19th, 2009
09:38 pm - REVIEW: Peggle Dual Shot
Am I much of a "casual gamer"? Perhaps not, but every once in a while my commute begs me to play something other than the latest RPG on the DS, which is really a port of a game I've played about fifteen years ago. I've done the Crosswords, and the Brain Ages, and such, and they sure do pass the time. However, I managed to get my grubby little mitts on a copy of Peggle Dual Shot for the DS. How casual is this game, really?
To start, the controls are pretty simple. Try to remove pegs by firing a ball at it. Not too bad, right? Well, its a little like pachinko. But without the chain smoking salarymen mindlessly dropping balls into a machine with a giant picture of whatever popular big breasted anime babe in the background. Balls rebound everywhere, lighting pegs as they hit. When the play finally ends, either by landing in the moving bucket on the bottom (netting an extra ball) or falling into the black abyss of despair, any peg that was hit disappears. Strategy changes with every ball launched. This game really makes me wish I'd payed better attention in geometry class.
You can also choose from a range of different characters (adorable woodland creatures, mythical beasts, and an alien), all of whom have different special skills, activated by either of two green pegs on the board. Certain skills can really help out on certain levels, but I decided to risk it by going random every time.
So far, that's pretty much every version of the game, from the PC to the IPod. There are certainly new modes and features in this version, as well. The most noticeable being the Bonus Underground, where, after collecting five stars, you can fall into a new area where you can rack up points and extra balls.
One thing I also noticed in the options was a colorblind mode. Not being colorblind myself, I thought this was a really cool feature for anyone who is. Kinda like a wheelchair ramp.
Is it worth picking up, though? Definitely. Even though I've never really played Peggle before this, this game is so crack addictive, it could make anyone lay off the pipe. Plus its cheaper. Not that I know how much crack is. These days.
09:32 pm - REVIEW: Street Fighter IV
Oh, this one's easy. If you love fighting games, JUST FUCKING BUY IT ALREADY.
Feb. 18th, 2009
08:18 am - REVIEW: Lily Allen's "Its not Me, Its You"
I have a big old crush on Lily Allen.
There I said it. I feel better now. She is an amazing singer, and hot off the heels of her first album, Alright, Still, has released a new EP entitled Its Not Me, Its You. How does it stack up?
People will immediately notice that this album has a much more "radio friendly" sound, despite the lyrics. Think about what would happen if Camera Obscura decided to play the poppier, upbeat songs of the Carpenters. Only, this actually works really well.
The track that has everyone talking, however, is Fuck You. It starts with a bright piano playing, juxtaposed slightly by her lyrics. In it, she sounds disappointed in the subject, in a very finger wagging sort of way. Of course, the chorus sums up the entire song.
Overall, I think this is a worthwhile purchase. Definitely support this artist. That way, she can tour my town and I can tell her I want to haver her babies.
Jan. 15th, 2009
10:22 pm - I wrote a short story
Its called, "the Black Knight". Uninspired, I know.
It wasn't raining that day.
For most of his life, his only experiences outside during the day was under a cold, rainy sky. He knew that a storm would follow whenever he marched into battle. The icy waters that fell over him calmed his mind, steadied his nerves, and gave him focus. With every battle he fought, the harder it rained, the more efficient he was.
He had no name of his own. However, he has heard what others have called him. Titan. Champion. God of Death. Monster. None of these labels mattered to him. It was the only life he knew. He was a warrior. Born and raised in darkness, to sharpen his senses. Taught to fight as a child. To never show emotion. To exist only as a living, breathing, weapon.
There was purpose to him, though. For the greater good of the Kingdom. He never truly understood what that meant, yet never questioned it. There was no time to do so. it was all about the fight. Never about philosophy.
Years of training has made him a mountain of a beast. Standing taller than any man, his size resembled an ox that had learned to walk on his hind legs. Yet, he was as quick and agile as a child. A frightening combination, punctuated by the customized armor that he wore. When he first put on his raiment, the polished steel shined like the full moon. However, years of combat has stained it so much with blood and viscera that it turned black. The only color left was the brown of his own eyes, that shone through the otherwise featureless face-mask.
Many have tried to best him in battle. Bullies, bandits, and other unsavory types have attempted. None survived for a rematch. Yet, he felt nothing. No joy, no remorse. The rain would always wash his mind clean of such things.
Then the war began. Truly, a war he was fated to fight. The reason didn't matter to him. It was just another order, on just another day. He was always the first in battle, always the last to leave. Each day's victories encouraged his fellow soldiers. In the evenings they would celebrate, cajoling him to join them. He would simply walk away, without so much as uttering a sound. It meant nothing to him.
There was word that the enemy forces would make their final advance in the morning. He would prepare as always: rise before the others, and wait at the highest hill near the battlefield. That way, he could see their marching patterns long before the battle began.
But it wasn't raining that day. When dawn broke, the sky burst into a brilliant orange. He had never seen such color before. The sky was always dark, and the rain dulled whatever was around. He was all too familiar with the sight of blood, from the rusty brown to the sparkling vermillion. With a sky as clear as this, though, everything else exploded in his eyes.
As the sun rose higher, the sky began turning blue. Trees and grass were defining themselves, in various shades of green. On the site of the upcoming battle, a field of flowers were in bloom. Dark blues, yellows, and reds. Reds unlike any he had ever seen. His heart raced in his chest, in a way that felt different than a grueling battle. He surveyed the area just as methodically as he'd done before, yet his mind raced to a near panic.
The black knight removed his helmet, to better absorb the new world around him. His face, unseen by many, was craggy, and well defined. A life led only in combat gave him lines men much older deserved. His hair and his beard hung long, and damp. His eyes grew wide with a sense of wonder and awe.
The expression on his face became increasingly confused. 'What... is this?' he thought to himself. He was at peace, and yet, his mind was full of turmoil. He was familiar with his surroundings. Somehow, though, everything seemed so alien.
There was no sorcery in this. He had felt the hand of the dark arts before and stood defiant. But this day, something was different. He felt a stirring in his heart he'd never felt before. There was no rain to blanket him. In the face of all this grandeur and beauty, the rush of emotions slammed into him like a large war hammer. Overwhelmed, he fell to his knees. For the first time in his life, he truly felt alone.
'Is this why I must fight? For this?' He questioned, wiping the flood of tears from his eyes. He looked down into his calloused hands. 'So many lives. Gone by my hands.' He was practically in a trance when, in the distance, the echoing sound of war drums could be heard. Slowly, he rose to his feet and replaced his helmet. He still had a job to do.
When he arrived at the encampment, the men there had already prepared themselves. A soldier approached him, still strapping on his shield. "Sir, the enemy approaches from the northwest."
He nodded silently as they made their way towards the battlefield. The rest of the soldiers were in good spirits, almost sensing a guaranteed win. No one seemed to pay any mind that he was troubled.
Their ranks fell into place almost immediately. "Have you come to die at the hands of the Titan?" someone screamed from the back. Others laughed at the remark. He felt another feeling, then. Annoyance. Still, he remained as stoic as ever. Seemingly staring down an entire army. Their drums beat louder. The chanting of their mages droned on. As they approached, the field of flowers he had admired from afar was being trampled underfoot.
The black knight drew his enormous blade. It rattled in his hand, where once it had been steady. As more and more of the flowers died, his anger grew. Where once he stood silent, he roared. Like a large beast in the throws of death, the very sound shook the bones of everyone. His own troops were frightened, for they have never heard him utter a single sound. The bellowing echoed in the vale, stopping the invading army dead in their tracks.
'No more.' he thought to himself. No more should the new life under the sun be destroyed by anyone. He advanced, slowly at first, then began running. He intended to kill every last one of them. This was for the good of the kingdom.
His troops took that as a sign to charge. They shouted in unison, and moved in like a tidal wave. Soon, it became a massacre. The din of metal on metal rang loud. Arrows flew from every direction. Blood was everywhere. Amidst the turmoil, stood the black knight. Swinging and slashing like an exuberant painter. He had never fought like this before. With such fire. With such purpose. He ignored the clouds gathering overhead. He ignored the sudden downpour. It no longer comforted him. His heart ached so much with every life he snuffed.
Eventually, the battle ended. A few of the enemy survived, scattered like wild dogs that were spooked by a noise. The defending force cheered in triumph. Yet, someone was conspicuously absent. Usually, the titan would stand dead center of the carnage, ever still, like an obelisk. But where was he? Could it be that he had fallen?
The soldiers' celebrating quickly turned to concern as they searched the battlefield for their comrade. To them, he was more than just a weapon of war. He was the symbol of their invincibility. He was their inspiration. He was their hero.
It was a sad truth that even the black knight did not know what he inspired in his men. Their search ended, for under a pile of bodies lay the armor of the black knight. Sliced, dented, riddled with arrows... and empty.
Was he really gone? Did he die in battle? Was there really someone in that black armor? Many questions arose in the minds of the men there, that day. Although they returned victorious, they returned without their champion. His armor was immediately placed within the hall of heroes, in the most prestigious spot they had. He died that day. For the good of the kingdom.
"Aww, come on, mister, what really happened to him?" whined the young boy.
"Ah," the old man laughed, stroking his long, white beard. "Some say he became a dream, to inspire soldiers in their endeavors. Some say, there was never really anyone in there. Some say, he became part of the world he saw that day."
"Like a flower?" the boy asked.
"I suppose, yes."
"What do you believe?"
"I believe," the old man sighed, as he stood up, "that he's around, to punish little boys who don't run along when they should!"
"Aah!" the little boy yelped, as he ran down the road. "I'll see you tomorrow!"
The old man waved back at the boy, who was now fading out of view. Sighing, he returned to his plow. Despite his age, the old man was quite muscular. Pushing against the wooden handles of his plow, he resembled an ox that had learned to walk on his hind legs. The sun felt good on his back, as sweat beaded on his brow.
It wasn't raining that day.
Nov. 25th, 2007
04:00 am - Which Guitar Controller is Right for You?
So you wanna rock. Who doesn't? The hard part is deciding which guitar is best for your gaming needs. Today, I'll do a comparison/ contrast between the Guitar Hero 2, Guitar Hero 3, and Rock Band guitars. These are for the 360, so other console permutations may vary.
Guitar Hero 2
The Gibson X-plorer guitar is a pretty sweet rig. With its double humbuckers, solid body construction, and unusual shape its a favorite among metal guitarists like James Hetfield.
Pros:
Long cable
great feel
balanced tilt sensor
Cons:
Its not wireless
Start and select are in an awkward place, and sometimes gets pressed during insane solos
Guitar Hero 3
We are introduced to the Gibson Les Paul Epiphone. A standard in rock, it too has double humbuckers, but sports a hollow body construction, giving a twangy sound. Jimmy Page is well known for his love of these axes, and sometimes plays them with a violin bow. Making it sould like a, well, guitar played with a violin bow.
Pros:
Wireless
Interchangeable face plate
Start and select are in a much better position than previous model
Cons:
Eats batteries like candy
Collapseable neck sometimes causes a gap, leading to unregistered notes
Extra sensitive tilt sensor
Rock Band
A staple in rock history, the Fender Stratocaster is a must own for any guitarist (although there are numerous knock offs that can produce adequate, if not superior sound). The three single coil pickups produce a clean sound, fortified by its solid body build. Hendrix played on one, strung for a lefty, of course.
Pros:
Extra set of keys, closer to the body make soloing easier. Also good for kids. Or midgets.
Springy strum bar
Selector switch allows players to tailor their sound in overdrive mode
Cons:
Not wireless
Whammy bar often hits selector switch, almost forcing you to stay in wah wah mode (or off) all the time
Incompatable with Guitar Hero
Now, I wouldn't say that that would be it, but this is just my experience with it. What say you, sports fans? Help me build this consumer reports article by adding your own opinions!
Oct. 24th, 2007
11:42 pm - REVIEW: Dancing with the Stars--Seriously.
This week is an amazing week for games. Castlevania, Conan, Zack and the horribly undershipped Wikki, hell, even Front Mission for the DS. How cool is that? With the cadre of amazing titles, it almost pained me to say that the first game I decided to play was Activision's Dancing with the Stars. Really. I played it.
For those of you with enough good sense to not know or care, Dancing with the Stars is based on the "hit" ABC television show of the same name. Basically, the premise is they take "celebrities" and pair them with professional ballroom dancers in order to make them look like jackasses on national TV. Keep in mind, we're using the word celebrity very, very loosely. Who did they manage to secure the likeness rights to?
Emmitt Smith. That Emmitt Smith.
Joey "Please don't go, girl" McIntyre. The former New Kid has seen a new low.
Joey "Whoa!" Lawrence. He's bald now. Not in that really cool, chemotherapy way, but in a "wants to look like a tough guy but fails miserably" way.
Mario "AC Slater" Lopez. Gee, Slater, I guess picking on preppy Morris didn't help your career after high school after all, huh? You can always make a sex tape.
Lisa "Are those seriously her lips?" Rinna. Some celeb. She starred opposite David Hasselhoff in that really crappy Nick Fury movie.
Stacy Kiebler. Nothing bad to say about her, she's hot, and her appearance on the show actually helped her career by getting her out of every closeted gay man's fantasy pro wrestling.
Suspiciously absent from the game is Master P. I guess he realized that the show completely destroyed any and all street cred he had.
The game itself is basically Dance Dance Revolution for quadriplegics. Sure, you can use a dance mat, but, why bother? Life obviously sucks hard for anyone dumb enough to buy this, so grab yourself a Hot Pocket, and use the controller. To say that it does lack a lot of the finesse of DDR speaks volumes, but then again DDR is really just a stompfest for hyperactive Asian kids. While you play, the CGI avatar of your chosen celebrity, while poorly built, does his or her best to get off the good foot while the judges watch and beam with "pride".
Speaking of the judges, after each round, you are subjected to the candy coated gushings of the show's actual judges, which include former In Living Color wet dream Carrie Ann Inaba. Their praises are completely repetitive, and can get unnerving at times. Thankfully, you can skip it.
So what's the bad side about this game? Well, its the horrible load times. It loads so frequently, and takes a long time to do so, so it eats up valuable time you could use wondering why you're playing the game in the first place. Unless you're inbred (target audience!), then you can just wipe the drool off of your chin.
This game is a total loss. Don't even think about buying this game. It just proves to the industry that this is what we consider entertainment. Find something better to do. Play Portal. Cake is promised.
Aug. 10th, 2007
12:54 am - Eternal Sonata of the Spotless Mind
October 17, 1849
In the wee hours of the morning, famed composer Frederic Chopin lay very ill, about to die. Ever the frail, his sister, Ludwika, whom he first gained piano lessons, was at his side for the better part of a year. Quietly, he passed on, leaving behind a legacy of music, and a reputation of being the foremost piano composer of the Romantic period, if not ever.
August 8, 2007
On XBox live, the demo for the game Eternal Sonata is released. The game is due to be released in September 17.
Now, what does this have to do with each other? Well, the premise for the game is that in Chopin's final hours, he withdraws into his own mind and views the landscape within. A lush and vibrant world, with many references to the music which he loved so dearly, stood before him. There, he meets a young girl named Polka. The same age and resembling his younger sister Emelia, who passed away of tuberculosis, Polka suffers a tragic fate. Wielding the ability to use magic, this curses her with a fragile constitution. Although outcast from her own village, she still has a desire to save it from the economical hardships that have befallen them all. Thus is a catalyst for a great adventure, one where the fates of both Chopin and the world are closely entwined.
Graphically, this is an achievement of design, where everything looks very lush and detailed. The cell shaded characters really come alive, thanks to the 60 frames per second animation. Like a well animated film, everything does, in fact, seem like a beautiful dream, one that anyone could ever hope for before dying.
The gameplay is more than just a standard menu driven RPG, where multiple actions can be performed per character during their active phase, rivaling the "one hit, wait," formula of Final Fantasy. Light and darkness play a significant role as well, where special attacks are varied depending on whether or not you're standing in the light or shade. The enemies are affected by this as well, with some of them going so far as turning into different creatures.
Chopin's music plays a vital role in this game as well. Although lightly touched on in the demo, the entire game is saturated with references that would make any music major squeal with glee and think that their college education was not a total waste, if only for a brief moment.
All in all, I would definitely say that I am excited for this game, after the lackluster showing that was Blue Dragon. I can't wait to get my hands on this one.
Jul. 22nd, 2007
11:34 pm - Bomb the hell out of your friends
I remember college. Not the part about going to class, or anything, but some of the crap we did during. At least once a week, we'd get a crapton of beer, fire up the Super Nintendo, and play Bomberman. Sure, we'd get drunk and start fistfighting eventually, but it was always fun. The "whole blowing the hell out of each other" thing, not the "Drunk Fight Club" thing. Imagine my childlike glee when Hudson Entertainment announced Bomberman for Xbox Live. I got so excited, I peed a little.
Still the same formula as it has always been (Bomberman Act Zero does NOT exist! Anywhere!), the game is a simple "four men enter, one man leaves" sort of game where you bomb the living crap out of each other. That's it. Last man standing. Simple, right? Well, yeah. But, strategy is the key as well when you can even frag yourself with your own bombs. Powerups are plentiful in this game, giving you the ability to increase blast radius, throw bombs, and more.
For Live, Hudson included the ability to customize your creation, with various outfits and such. Its total mix and match, so if you want a clown in a pink tutu, well, you're in luck. There's nothing more insulting than getting a-sploded by Divine.
Now that I'm a little older, a little wiser, and a little sober-er, I can honestly say that the fun is still there. This is one bit of nostalgia that hasn't lost its flavor.
Jul. 16th, 2007
11:25 pm - Hands on with the Nintendo Fan Network
It was a warm summer day in Seattle. Overcast, as it typically is in the city. Still, it was a perfect day to take in a baseball game, and try out Nintendo's Fan Network at Safeco Field.
Its no surprise, really, that Nintendo would guinea pig this at a stadium for a team they co-own. Although in an "open beta" phase, the program is surprisingly easy to use. Just download the software on your DS, pay the $5 fee either by visiting the Nintendo kiosk or using a credit card, register your seat number, and you're off. The interface is pretty simple, giving you the options to do a number of things like order food (if you're fond of $8 nachos and $15 burgers) that gets delivered to your seat, check scores from other games (if the game you should be paying attention to gets boring), play trivia games (ditto), and watch instant replays (in case those nachos start to work its magic and you need to take a 7th inning squat).
All in all, while not too slick in design, it does what it sets out to do. Make you look like a techie jerk instead of a baseball fan. Use it if you want, but its nothing special, really.
12:27 am - Cheap thrills and psychotic animals
Joining the ever growing list of games in the Bargain Bin Laden is Rayman Raving Rabbids for the 360. Recently dropped to 20 buckaroos, those of us unlucky enough to not score a Wii anywhere have the opportunity to play this insane multiplayer game.
Skating away from the original Rayman formula of deceptively hard platformers, RRR is instead laden with tons of mini-games where Rayman must perform ridiculous tasks set before him by the Rabbids: mentally deficient bunnies with a fetish for toilet plungers. Some of these tasks include (and I'm not kidding), throwing cows into basketball hoops, shearing sheep, and slapping the rabbid that's singing off key. I'm sure whoever was in charge of this game was on drugs, which would explain why this is an awesome drinking game.
Playing this game does garner some entertaining awards, in the form of very entertaining videos. Even the loading screens have some hilarious animations, though you'll see them very frequently.
Still, its 20 dollars, and a non-shooter multiplayer game. Even non-gamers can get into this. Buy.
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